Tuesday, September 22, 2009

A Smatterin'

Did you know that I once dreaded writing a paper so much that I went to the restroom and tried to make myself go, just so I could procrastinate a bit longer? Totally did that.

That's not what's going on here. I've been in the process of writing a post on the first time Jonny and I said "I love you," but the words have been slow in coming. I find this particular story more difficult to write than most, perhaps because some parts of it are unflattering. It's easy to be self-deprecating, but hard as hell to reveal a true shortcoming. I sit down at the computer for awhile, type out a paragraph or two, then erase it all. I have maybe half of the story written right now, but the rest will come in its own time.

Until then, here is a smattering of info for you.

1. My sister has five glorious, wonderful kids. Erin is a stay-at-home mom and a homeschooler, and boy howdy is she good at it. She also happens to love it. That said, once every three years or so, she'll call me up and say, "Em, I've only been with the kids today, and I'm starting to say things like 'Nanny nanny boo boo.' I need some Jane Eyre."

And here's why. Have you ever noticed that when you immerse yourself in a book, you start thinking and talking in the characters' dialect? Now, I've read Jane Eyre about two million times, and every time I read it I devour it in one enormous chunk. During one of these particular chunks in high school, I took a break from my book to talk my mom's ear off about something stupid (the shmanguage, Lyndee), and I ended with, "Have you never heard us converse in that manner?" That's the Bronte shining through. Now you know that whenever my sister wants to improve her vocabulary, she absorbs Jane Eyre.

Lately, I've been devouring The Grapes of Wrath, and though I'm loving my experience, this particular novel has passages like:
"Come right up in meetin'. One lady says we oughta have a little bell that rings ever' time the roll turns oncet. Then we could count how many ever'body takes. I jes' don't know. I been worried all week. Somebody's a-stealin' toilet paper from Unit Four.
After 430 pages, can you imagine what my inner dialogue is like? "Why, Pa, we gots ta git us ta thet rest'runt a'fore I starve to death. I just a'soon et a mess o' corn pone ruther than fit that rush hour traffic. Kin you git the GPS a-workin?"

Erin, I need some Jane Eyre.

2. Oh my gosh, the Pioneer Woman can do nothing wrong. Have you tried her pancakes? Have you? Have you?!? Look, go here now and do exactly what she says. I've never in my life been a pancake person. I don't order them at restaurants (rest'runts?), don't crave them, don't care about them. I'll eat them, of course. I've even enjoyed them, but I've never loved them. These, on the other hand, are perfect. I've actually made them. For myself. Because I wanted them.

3. So, we were at our friends' apartment last week playing movie pictionary when we heard a fire alarm going off in the distance. The windows were open, so we peaked out to see if we could figure out which building had the trouble. Our apartment complex is made up of several towers, you see, so we thought maybe we'd be able to watch the action once we figured out which tower it was in. The fire trucks came screaming around the corner, and we watched to see where they'd pull up.

"Huh. They're coming down our road. I don't see any smoke, but the alarm must be coming from the next tower."

"Huh. They're headed this way. Must be the tower across the street."

"Huh. They're pulling up in front of our tower and scurrying about with hoses. Guys, do you smell something burning?"

That's when we figured out that we were, indeed, in the towering inferno. We all rushed out, dinner bowls in hand, to the parking lot next to the building. All 20 of us. Yes, in a dozen stories of residents, maybe 20 of us ventured out of the building.

It ended up being nothing much - the contents of a basement dumpster had caught fire - but I can't help thinking that the alarm system needs a bit of tweaking. Jonny says it needs assertiveness training. Evacuation fail.

And with that, I leave you. See you again soon, my friends. Until then, yeh have yesself a righ' nice time.


Anonymous said...

Shmou shmare shmuch shma shmlever shmriter. Shmi shmove shmit!

...shmhe shmriting, shmot shmit...


Keeping Up With the Joneses said...

I feel like one of Jan Karon's fans who can't wait for the next book to come out. When are you going to write your next blog? Help your mom out of this mess!