Monday, April 20, 2009

I Have a Quirk

What if every title of my posts began "I Have a ________?" I have a dress. I have a vacation. I have a roommate. I have a colonoscopy. Would you still stop by every now and then?

If you're wavering at all between staying and going, here's a good reason to go: I have a quirk. I've used a few posts here to tell you about Jonny's quirks, but today I'm confessing one of my own. Here it is: open cabinet doors make my stomach twist with anxiety. Now, if someone is opening a door to get something out of the cabinet, then that doesn't bother me in the slightest degree. I don't give it a thought. If, however, the cabinet door is left open while the culprit walks away, I experience moderate anxiety until the door is closed. I can't concentrate on anything else, I can't put it out of my mind, and I can't walk away. The door must close.

A particular college housemate of mine, drunk with the power of knowledge, used to amuse herself by opening all the kitchen cabinets and then calling to me. Worse yet, if I were lying on the couch facing the kitchenette, she would leave one of the cabinet doors slightly ajar, just one, and say, "Hey, Em, check it out. I'm just gonna leave this open here and then come join you on the couch. That doesn't bother you, does it? You wouldn't need to get up for any reason, would you?" Then she would sit and stare at me until, unable to take it any longer, I jumped up and slammed the door. It's as if Lex Luthor were juggling balls of kryptonite outside Superman's bedroom window.

Wilson, I don't know why I ever made you a bridesmaid. One more wrong move out of you, and I swear you're off the team.

So anyway, despite telling Jonny and his family about my condition and asking them kindly to respect the neurosis, every time I've entered that house for the last 2 1/2 years, the door to the tea cabinet in the kitchen has been wide open. You'd recognize the tea cabinet since it's the only one you can see from the front door. And every time, I have calmly and directly closed the door and moved on with my business.

Since Jonny is still alive and in possession of all his limbs, I figure our marriage can and will survive anything. This is my greatest encouragement.


Anonymous said...

I see how this could be bothersome, especially if you've ever lived in a house with mice problems.

Six in the Mix said...

Wow, Em. You just opened yourself up to all kinds of torture that Mark and I didn't know about. This is almost as good as breaking rule number #1 and 2.

audra.marie said...

You'll be happy to know that, when I am in someone else's home, and they leave a cabinet door open, I smile to myself, think of you fondly, and close the door. I carry a little piece of you with me everywhere, Jones.

That could be really creepy, if I literally carried a piece of you with me at all times. A lock of your hair could be considered touching, in an Anne of Green Gables/bosom buddy sort of way. A finger nail, on the other hand, now that would be just too much. And now I've thrown up a little in my mouth.

Holy long comment, Batman.

Galeforce said...

I will always be drunk with the power of knowledge. It's the luxury of excess I crave....

Also, when a certain friend of mine (who is the male version of you) finds that I have left a cabinet open (which I do on a daily basis) I am given the "Jonesey would be so disappointed" look. Yes. You have a place in the facial expression of those who have only met you briefly. This is the epic porportion of your quirks.

Galeforce said...

Audra, I don't think a fingernail is creepy.

You drank my contact.

audra.marie said...

aaaannd, now i'm laughing....

that story will never cease to amuse me and make me laugh until i cry.