Friday, February 13, 2009

Terror in Real Time

Ok, if I had Twitter I would use it now. As it is, I'm going to update you every once in a while here today about Terror in My Room, 2009 because I need company, any company, to calm my nerves. Fiance is asleep in his own home right now, so he can't help, but I am working at home from my bedroom, specifically from my bed.

Here's the setup: I live in an old house, a very old house. It's drafty. There's no insulation. There's a fireplace in my bedroom. The fireplace once brought me this monster (which I've told you about before)


at 3a.m. about a year and a half ago. Then last summer, during the week Fiance was in Mexico and therefore out of killing-creatures-for-his-girlfriend range, some other creature haunted me from the chimney every night around 1a.m. It started chirping in the fireplace as soon as I turned out my bedroom lights, and it didn't quit for hours. I had to turn on a fan to drown out the chirping noise, because I wasn't about to open the fireplace and let whatever it was in there come strolling through the house. I never found the source of the chirping noise, by the way. It just haunted my sleep for two weeks and then mysteriously disappeared.

So there's that.

Add to the fireplace history a tale of woe from last evening. I live in an old house, a very old house. Have I ever mentioned that before? Last night I came home to this very old house, but, expecting Fiance to show up in the next hour or so, I didn't immediately lock the back door. This door has a history. When we first moved in, the doorknob was on the right side of the door, but the latch never caught correctly and we didn't have a storm door, so there was always a draft in the house. My industrious housemate bought a storm door and then flipped the regular door around during the installation process. The doorknob is now on the left, and all that was once inside is now outside, facing the back porch. This means that the curtain that was once on the inside, covering the door's window, now hangs on the outside. This is incovenient, but the door latches now.

So last night I didn't immediately lock the back door. I putzed around for a bit, brushing my teeth, doing laundry, cleaning dishes - that kind of thing. Fiance eventually phoned to say he wouldn't be coming over after all, so I went downstairs to lock up for the night. The back porch light was on, and the curtain on the door was covering only the right half of the window. With my right hand I flipped the porch light and with my left I reached for the lock, just in time to realize that a woman on the back porch had been hiding behind the curtain and was now reaching for the door handle. I flipped the bolt faster than I'd ever flipped before and, gasping, stepped back into the kitchen. That's when I realized that the crazed, murderous, wild-eyed, frazzle-haired woman on the other side of the door was actually my reflection in the door window, revealed when I turned out the light on the back porch.

So that's one year less for me to live.

This morning I've been working from my bed, my favorite place to work, but the flannel sheets and electric blanket can no longer comfort me. There's a noise in my room. It only comes once in a while, but it's definitely a crunching sound. Something is chewing in my room. At first it sounded like it was coming from the ceiling, then the fireplace, then by the window, then under my bed. I got up to check it, but of course it stopped as soon as I approached. Worst of all, I discovered that I had carelessly left the fireplace cover ajar.

There's something in my room.
It's chewing.
It's munching.
It's stranding me on a Bed Island.
I want out.

Updates to come.

1 comment:

Mary Brooks said...

hahahahahhahahahhahahaha...
and it's friday the 13th...better watch out!!!!