Monday, October 6, 2008

That Does It

This post ends with the phrase "Viva la boob!" If that makes you at all squeamish, then I suggest you skip the read entirely. You've been warned.

I have several businesses in the planning stage. They are as follows:
  1. Bethesda Spa and Resort
  2. The Wesley Tea Room
  3. Leather Bound Books Publishing Company (It's worth noting that the library in the Wesley Tea Room will be supplied with comfy armchairs, rich, Persian rugs, and the entire collection of works published by Leather Bound Books.)
  4. The Stone Oven Bakery (we deliver!)
  5. Anal Intruders Home and Office Organizing: We're anal so you don't have to be.
  6. Take My Chicken Shit Dot Com, a mail-order fertilizer business made necessary, of course, by all those backyard chickens I'm going to raise
  7. and finally, Celebrity Breast Milk Dairy: The nectar of the stars
I shudder to think of the Google keywords that will now tag my blog. The mind reels.

I think I'm forgetting a few of my businesses, but you get the general idea. I started this list in 2002 with Bethesda, and the roster has steadily grown over the years. Thus far, all of my businesses have stayed in the planning stage, but recent news has pushed one to the forefront. Yes, friends, it's time to hold Celebrity Breast Milk Dairy upside down, slap its butt and see if it cries.

My roommates and I first conceptualized CBMD during a study break in college. Our brains were fried, and this is what comes of fried eggs brains. The way I see it, CBMD has a great chance of becoming my most lucrative business. To be entirely honest, I'm not too into breast milk. It's great and everything, and as Captain Stubby says, "You know the cats haven't been in it," but I don't feel the need to slap a "Breast feeding in public is legal" bumper sticker on my Camry like that zealous minivan owner downtown. That said, I could get excited about a business that brings in the bajillions, and clearly this one has a shot.

Just imagine it. How much do you think J. Lo's "Jenny from the Block of Cheddar" would pull in? I'm sure that Jolie Brie would grace only the poshest of parties. And don't tell me that Halle Very Berry Ice Cream wouldn't be a top seller. This business has potential, and now is the time for it.

Why is the time so appropriate for CBMD? Read this to understand. Enlightened yet? Are you keen to invest? Whether you're in or out, I'm sure you comprehend the brilliance of this business plan.

As for me, I'll be damned if I let this gallon of 100% expire. Viva la boob!


Mary Brooks said...

oh my!

Elizabeth Glass-Turner: named Bitty by quirky Canadian said...

You forgot a business...
Also, I'd like some celebrity breast milk lotion.
"Softening hand butter" from Gwyneth.
"Super dry skin cream" from Jennifer Garner.
You know.

Anonymous said...

Happy Save the Ta-Ta's Month everyone.